Pre-wedding Required Reading

I am obsessed with books. Even as a kid, when I got in trouble my parents would punish me by NOT allowing me to go to the library.


That being said it is no surprise to anyone who knows me that after Ohio and I seriously started to discuss marriage, I bought the book, "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married".

Ohio and I got into the habit of reading questions from the book everyday. Some questions were silly and made us laugh and some questions started some important conversations.

I highly reccomend using this book with your fiance before or during your engagement. It helps spur a lot of conversations that I think are important to have before you tie the knot.

What is on your pre-wedding required reading list?

Remember Who You Are

When I was growing up, whenever I left the house for a party or some other event my mom would tell me to "Remember Who You Are".

She didn't mean for me to remember what my name is or where I lived or anything like that. What she really meant was for me to remember who I really am. You know, in a spiritual way, so that hopefully, I would make wise decisions. Which I think for the most part it did.

Such a simple little saying that has stuck with me all these years. As I've gotten older and no longer face the same peer pressures as I might have faced as a teenager, I still face challenges and I find this saying to still be really really helpful in my life. I think its important to check in with myself and remind myself who I really am. Not only to center myself spiritually, but to remind myself of my priorities and values.

I think that this exercise is also helpful in world of planning your wedding. It's important to not let yourself get carried away by visions of grandeur or having your wedding planning take over who you are. Which is easy to do after watching marathons of "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Who's Wedding is it Anyways?"

So, what kind of bride-to-be am I?
Here are my thoughts:

I am a bride-to-be who wants to be married one time and forever.
I am a bride-to-be who doesn't want the wedding to be "all about me" and "my special day". I want it to be "all about us" and "our special day".
I am a bride-to-be that wants a wedding that is centered on family and a feeling of community.
I am a bride-to-be that acknowledges my wedding is not a magazine photo shoot- its the day I'll be making the biggest commitment of my life.

What kind of bride are you?

Am I a Contestant on a Quiz Show or Something?

As soon as Ohio and I announced our engagement the barrage of questions started.

"Where are you going to get married?"
"Did you pick a date?"
"How many guests are you going to have?"
"Where are you going on a honeymoon?"
"Who is going to be in your wedding party?"



Which made my head spin around and my tummy feel a little queasy. I mean- we JUST got engaged! Give us some time to enjoy the engagement bliss before making me feel like a contestant on a quiz show! I didn't (and still don't) have answers to all of these questions.

Obviously we have to answer these questions eventually- but how many people pick a date, location and plan the entire wedding in the days immediately following the proposal?

What is means to be engaged

Lately I've been thinking about this whole engagement period. Before Ohio and I became engaged, being "engaged" was not something I ever really thought about. Engagement was just a time period that you wore a ring on your finger until your wedding day, when you got another ring on your finger while wearing a white dress. Then you move in together, merge bank accounts and hopefully live happily ever after.

But now I'm finding that this period of "engagement" is actually turning out to be (for me at least) a pretty important time of transitioning from the life of a single person, to the life of a wife and life-partner. For me its been a period of lots of different emotions- some positive and some negative.

The Positive: Happy; Thrilled; Excited

I am so happy and feeling so blessed that I found a partner who really makes me so happy. If you've ever listed to Dr. Laura before, you know she says the right man will swim through crocodile infested waters just to bring you a glass of lemonade. Well, I certainly have found that person. Ohio does so much for me to make me happy everyday.

I am thrilled that I am starting a new life with Ohio. I am thrilled that I have a lifetime of him cooking his famous chili recipe for me. I am thrilled that my family is his family and his family is my family. I am thrilled that my dog loves him (sometimes more than she loves me!).

I am excited for all of the adventures that await Ohio and I as we start this new journey together. I'm excited to have a wedding with my family, his family and our friends present to celebrate our commitment and love for each other. I'm excited to be able to call Ohio my husband.

The Negative: Overwhelmed: Pressure and Uncertainty

I am overwhelmed, not by the idea of being married- but by the event itself. Don't get me wrong- I am enjoying planning our wedding! I plan events for work all the time. Big events. But my life is busy- and finding time outside of my busy work schedule, school and everything else in life is tough.

Its also insane the amount of pressure I am getting from friends, family- the wedding industry to have a perfect wedding. Which I know doesn't exist. And perfect to one person would not be perfect for me. The only thing I know will be perfect about my wedding is that I am marrying the right person at the right time in my life.

I am unsure about the future. I am not uncertain about my decision to marry Ohio, or about our ability to have a healthy and happy marriage. I am just uncertain about the future in general. When I was living my life just for me, I thought about life in a different way. Even when I was in previous long-term, committed relationships, it was totally different than it is now. I am uncertain about how marriage will change my own identify and my future. Things that I never had to think about before. Like- do I really want to give up my last name or should I keep the one I've had for the past 29 years? Am I willing to sacrifice my career, friends and proximity to my parents if Ohio's job is someday relocated? Will we ever be able to afford to have kids? Those are some of the uncertainties that cross my mind.

Did you experience any of these emotions when you got engaged?