What is means to be engaged

Lately I've been thinking about this whole engagement period. Before Ohio and I became engaged, being "engaged" was not something I ever really thought about. Engagement was just a time period that you wore a ring on your finger until your wedding day, when you got another ring on your finger while wearing a white dress. Then you move in together, merge bank accounts and hopefully live happily ever after.

But now I'm finding that this period of "engagement" is actually turning out to be (for me at least) a pretty important time of transitioning from the life of a single person, to the life of a wife and life-partner. For me its been a period of lots of different emotions- some positive and some negative.

The Positive: Happy; Thrilled; Excited

I am so happy and feeling so blessed that I found a partner who really makes me so happy. If you've ever listed to Dr. Laura before, you know she says the right man will swim through crocodile infested waters just to bring you a glass of lemonade. Well, I certainly have found that person. Ohio does so much for me to make me happy everyday.

I am thrilled that I am starting a new life with Ohio. I am thrilled that I have a lifetime of him cooking his famous chili recipe for me. I am thrilled that my family is his family and his family is my family. I am thrilled that my dog loves him (sometimes more than she loves me!).

I am excited for all of the adventures that await Ohio and I as we start this new journey together. I'm excited to have a wedding with my family, his family and our friends present to celebrate our commitment and love for each other. I'm excited to be able to call Ohio my husband.

The Negative: Overwhelmed: Pressure and Uncertainty

I am overwhelmed, not by the idea of being married- but by the event itself. Don't get me wrong- I am enjoying planning our wedding! I plan events for work all the time. Big events. But my life is busy- and finding time outside of my busy work schedule, school and everything else in life is tough.

Its also insane the amount of pressure I am getting from friends, family- the wedding industry to have a perfect wedding. Which I know doesn't exist. And perfect to one person would not be perfect for me. The only thing I know will be perfect about my wedding is that I am marrying the right person at the right time in my life.

I am unsure about the future. I am not uncertain about my decision to marry Ohio, or about our ability to have a healthy and happy marriage. I am just uncertain about the future in general. When I was living my life just for me, I thought about life in a different way. Even when I was in previous long-term, committed relationships, it was totally different than it is now. I am uncertain about how marriage will change my own identify and my future. Things that I never had to think about before. Like- do I really want to give up my last name or should I keep the one I've had for the past 29 years? Am I willing to sacrifice my career, friends and proximity to my parents if Ohio's job is someday relocated? Will we ever be able to afford to have kids? Those are some of the uncertainties that cross my mind.

Did you experience any of these emotions when you got engaged?